Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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