things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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