Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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