I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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