Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
