u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Randomize
