oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
