so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
You can't motorboat a personality
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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