btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You're a waste of cheezeits
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
