I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
