Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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