There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
