weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Randomize
