Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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