So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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