Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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