Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
