Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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