My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
be right there i have to get my cape
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
