I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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