She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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