I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Apparently you make a good broom.
please come you make the beer taste better
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
