i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
