Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
