there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
