just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
