im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
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