The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
