I could have mohawked her pubes.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
