I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
