so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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