i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
