but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
