i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
