I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
