I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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