At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
