I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
