maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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