someone threw a dead crab at me
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
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