Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Welp...herpes.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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