Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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