Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Shitshow foam night was such a success
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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