Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
