When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
pray to the hookup gods
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
