The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize