Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
You just made me feel so damn special
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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