I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
