I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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