i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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