wanna go halves on a baby?
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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