Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
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