talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
