alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Randomize
