He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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