i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize