Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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