i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
