she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize