Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
