bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
