i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
