Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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