A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
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