I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
