My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
