Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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