I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Randomize
