well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
