just come out here and I will go home with you...
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I deserve this hangover.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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