She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Of course I have a pirate flag
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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