so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You ate ashes out of my bong
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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