hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
