I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
