I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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