I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize