the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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