last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
