Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize