you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Your penis caused this!
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
