That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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