I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
