Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
