i think my tv is drunk
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
