i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
