Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I AM VODKA MAN
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I love you.
Bad choice
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