so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
