I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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