Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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